Just like all the DMs make a beeline for me — or maybe I make one for them— there are people I know who have similar magnetic abilities to attract the most bizarre things/people/events to themselves and their lives.
My friend SDB, for instance. A gem, someone I want to stash away in my wardrobe and look at constantly. For reassurance. To feel good about myself. To know that it isn’t just my life that could make for a good comic caper (with undertones of dark humour)… And that I am in good company. SDB, you are a fabulous person and I will always love you, but you gotta admit that between your life and mine, the entire canvas of surrealism seems to be painted over!
SDB hops from one relationship to another. Hops may be a wrong word. He actually runs from one to the other. When commented upon, he smirks, “I so do NOT run from one relationship to another… I never am in a relationship.” Sure SDB. And I am J Lo, with her butt and Lady Gaga with the impact.
But from SDB’s point of view, he is right. The ‘R’ word never features in his convos. Even his nightmares are not allowed to feature that word. His MI: See woman. Then really look at woman. Smile. Chat her up. Impress her with the oh-my-god-gravelly voice till she’s melted chocolate at his feet. Buy her a Chocolate Martini (ewww). And then she’s all his. For a month. Or two. Tops. A period of intense courtship. The thrill of the chase. Incessant phone calls. Midnight chats. Drives to nowhere. Noisy bed springs.
And then, it’s back to woman-spotting again. Just like that. No explanations rendered. None sought, from either party. The party starts again. Life’s a breeze. Till, a period when three/four of these women start calling SDB. And then start calling him names. Not of the good kind. Some threats are issued. Some memories are recalled. You get the drift… Sadly, the women, and SDB never do!
To return to the bizarreness of it all, once one of these women decided that she is not going to be thrown over. No way. She, in her head, was perfect for SDB. (Come to think of it, I thought so too, but SDB didn’t really make a beeline to my opinion.) As SDB was forsaking chivalry for sanity (his), woman decided to turn stalker.
Wherever SDB went, woman popped up. Or out, as the case may be. Outside office, home, friends’ homes, pubs, parking lots everywhere. The man was confronted by this silent (largely) presence 24/7. “At least if she said something, I could retaliate. But this mobile sphinx like behaviour is tough to handle,” griped SDB. To say that I snickered would be an understatement as I was instantly reminded of an earlier woman in SDB’s life who had taken to stalking the women he started dating after he parted ways with her. Her MI: Call the women and share info about the man. Intimate ones. And constantly call. A couple of times apparently, the women became friends. And waves of hostility reached out to SDB.
Not that he drowned. However, tough to enjoy a drink when three women sitting opposite are staring fixedly. And one doesn’t know when they might just point and yell, “Small!”
But that’s SDB’s bane… That’s his cross to bear. As his collection of women grows, the bizarreness quotient of his life also goes up. Much as I love him, it’s just more grist for me… Chronicling his life at times makes mine seem like a picnic.
At least I can enjoy a drink in peace. My friends aren’t stalked. Neither am I. And no one can look at me and ‘small’. Really.
Shut up, SDB. No one asked you.
Note to self: At times, should desist from letting it all hang out.
